Day 5 – DFW’s Top Secret Cookie Recipe
I see that I have lots of things to respond to, but I’ve decided to save most of them for tomorrow and deal with only the most important today.
While you made some good points on day three regarding the book’s culinary equivalents, I do have to disagree on the matter of the panini. Infinite Jest is not a sandwich of any kind. It’s a chocolate-chip cookie.
DAVID FOSTER WALLACE’S SECRET, AND PROBABLY THE THIRD OR FOURTH BEST, AND SEVENTH OR EIGHTH EASIEST, AND SECOND OR THIRD MOST UNUSUAL, IN THE WORLD, RECIPE FOR CHOCOLATE (1)-CHIP COOKIES OBTAINED BY E. AZZOLINI UNDER COMPLETELY ETHICAL BUT DECIDEDLY UNUSUAL CIRCUMSTANCES JUST THIS MORNING
Ingredients: Figure it out yourself if you’re so smart.
Step 1: Preparation
By the Year of the Fridgedoor Custom-Made Refrigerator Magnets, this will be a completely automated process, but in the meantime, one must interface with assorted wet and dry ingredients, a concave container with top open to the burning sun and all seasons, LWS(2) , and an enclosed heating unit, also ideal for the creation of cakes, breads and pizza, referred to by the residents of St. Mel’s Detoxification Unit as ‘Za, but which by having been judged addictive, is not available to them during treatment. The heating unit should not to be confused with that with which one might make Panini(3) – a standard G.F. Grill, invented in the Year of the All New Design Oneida Flatware by M. Washburn, more commonly known for his three volumes of Hungarian poetry and inconsistent electrical repair work undertaken four years ago in the city of Toronto.(4)
Step 2: Presentation and Consumption
While consuming cookies, apply standard glass cleaner, preferably of EXTRA-STRENGTH blue “Windex” variety with spray-nozzle, liberally to open eyes at regular intervals.
Things seem normal at first. It’s a big book, but you’ve done that before. The narrative has been well stirred, making it hard to figure out exactly what you’re dealing with, but you’re pretty sure that all of the basic components are there. It’s just an unusually large chocolate-chip cookie. Then all of a sudden, there’s Windex in your eyes. The worst thing about it is that you haven’t been attacked by anyone. You’re completely responsible for doing this to yourself. Nothing makes much sense, it’s hard to read, and it sort of burns, but perhaps when you emerge at the other end unscathed, you’ll be able to see the world bit more clearly than you could before. At the very least, you might be able to see the humor in what has happened to you. I’m hoping that this was the case for her.
1. Containing the powerful stimulant theobromine. May result in feelings of euphoria and exhilaration, increased energy and alertness.
2. Large Wooden Spoon. In the kitchens of the E.T.A., these implements are sometimes made of synthetic materials, but the wood of the cherry tree has proved infinitely more versatile, long-lasting and attractive than resinous plastics.
3. See Aaron’s interesting but misguided Day 3: The Panini
4. MS Word didn’t underline a single bit of this with its customary “I don’t like your grammar” squiggly green lines.