The Infinite Jest Challenge

Fans of David Foster Wallace might wonder what it would be like to hang-out with him. I don’t know… maybe play some tennis, write abbreviated deep thoughts on cocktail napkins, eat a few pistachios…
I just tossed that last one in because it’s the only situation that immediately comes to mind in which I might be of some use or interest to him. I’m pretty good at getting into those frustrating barely-cracked ones.
Unfortunately none of us is likely to ever find out, though a few brave souls at Chapman University College have taken his classes and shared the experience on www.RateMyProfessors.com for desperate bloggers like myself to copy and paste into a sorry excuse for a post.

Predictably, some students rave about his brilliance:

“I took all the classes I could from this man. He will ABSOLUTELY make you a better writer. Caring, approachable yet formidably intelligent, passionate about what he does. Very highly recommended, if you are serious about fiction and writing.”

While others bemoan his star-writerly ego:

“DFW sucks. Completely narcissistic. He failed to give constructive feedback since he was so busy going off on tangents about himself/his own writing.”

Ouch.

But the very first review is my favorite:

“Very particular about usage. Excellent at explaining concepts. Very neurotic and tends to chew tobacco and spit in a cup while lecturing. If you are a female, do NOT fall under his spell…he’s a heartbreaker.”

Too late! The chewing-tobacco thing is a bit of a turnoff, but I’m still in trouble, especially after watching his sort of uncomfortable yet appealing appearance on Charlie Rose from several years ago this afternoon YouTube. Possible project for next week: Valentine. And I WILL send it if someone digs up an address for me. I have no pride.

In other “DFW on Campus” news, it looks like there’s a chance he might be the graduation speaker this year at my alma mater. Judging by past years’ selections, I wouldn’t count on a good decision, but one can always hope…

Also in the running: Garrison Keillor. The choice is obvious:

HOT

NOT

Duh.

So it looks like I’ll be making the board game. Keep your standards low.

Also, since we’ve done so much for my family, maybe someone in yours should come up with the next challenge. 3rd grade adaptation of Infinite Jest? What do they do, by the way? I’m trying to remember what I did in 3rd grade and am getting a strong mental image of fruit roll-ups/string-cheese and not much else.